As is my faith. Something about spending the past three nights trying to console drug-addicted babies who were, in fact, inconsolable has caused me to question some key verses of the Good Book.
Like Jeremiah 1:5 --
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
Says the screaming baby, "Really? So You watched while my mom snorted coke and smoked both pot and cigarettes, knowing that the nervous system You were creating was already addicted to those things and that I would go through a brutal withdrawal after being born? Hey, thanks."
From Jeremiah 29:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Baby, again, "Wow. So my being raised in an abusive home is part of your plan? Cool. And then when I spend my brief adult life as a criminal before dying in jail, or being shot in a robbery or, perhaps, gang-related incident, this is all in order to prosper me? Who knew?"
Don't start with me on the whole God allows suffering because blah blah blah. Or that sickness is part of the fall.
Couldn't an omnipotent God have designed a nervous system for a baby that didn't involve all of this? Better still, could He not have designed a human brain that could withstand addiction?
I don't get it.
7 comments:
I hear you, Marcia.
The only thing I can say that helps me at all is the space trilogy of CS Lewis's (or however you apostrophe a last name that ends in an "s," oh loved grammar freak friend of mine).
Those three books are among the handful of favorite books of mine...and I'm a voracious reader who's gone through thousands of books...
In it, those who live on the other planets describe the Earth as "the dark planet," or the planet where things are "bent." The planet where the God is blocked out, where He must "sneak" in versus be there in His full glory.
To me, that so much better describes the reality down here than does the idea of a God who knowingly and purposely plans all the horror that happens here.
That might be full on heresy, I don't know. Yet I feel like it would be heretical to call God the author of evil. So I don't.
well, i don't get it either, frankly, cause i'm raising one of those babies and in all the times i've asked God those same questions i've never received an answer (or at least not one i can comprehend.)
this is where pure faith comes in for me: no matter what, i believe He is good. my only other option is to believe that this earthly pain proves there is no loving God.
and that option sucks.
honestly, if there isn't a reason to it all - even a reason i can't get this puny mind around - then stop the train, i'm getting off here. there's just no reason to keep going.
so i choose to believe that He is there and He is not silent (to echo the late Francis Schaeffer) and to believe that one day, when i get to heaven, i will see it all perfectly and understand.
it's not an adequate answer, but it's honest. it's how i get through the rough spots.
Marcia,
No words from this quiet heart, but words that have spoken to me in the dark, from Philip Yancey:
"In any discussion of disappointment with God, heaven is the last word, the most important word of all. Only heaven will solve the problem of God's hiddenness. For the first time, human beings will be able to look upon God face to face.
The Bible never belittles disappointment, but it does add one key word: temporary - - What we feel now, we will not always feel. Our disappointment is itself a sign, and aching, a hunger for something better. And faith is , in the end, a kind of homesickness - - for a home we have never visited but have never once stopped longing for."
He speaks further, deeply, movingly here... I hope you have a moment to read...
http://www.csec.org/csec/sermon/yancey_3302.htm
I hear you, Marcia. And you are loved. By Father and this daughter...
All is *grace,*
Ann
Probably why Mother Teresa was depressed?
Yes, you see the worst...your questions are inevitable, I think...with what you must see and try to heal on a regular basis. (Don't grade my grammar! It's fluid....) :)
Thank you for loving those babies, Marcia, and for caring for them. In another "time or life," you are doing what I would want to be doing.
Hey Holly--that's funny; you're doing what I would do in my other life.
You know, have twice as many kids as I do now. And I'm totally serious; especially after seeing the pictures of your gorgeous baby girl.
perhaps God knew you need great faith to do what you do and He will give it to you. I try to remember, no matter what I think i see, that God is always faithful, always loving, always true, always. With that thought I must then come to the conclusion that something besides God is at work in the situations you are seeing first hand. That doesn't mean you can't cry out to God about it, though. Habakkuk did. Others did. Cry. Let God know how you feel. He wants your true self.
Molly, that also sounds like a book I recently read but can't remember the name of. It's considered a kids book.... written by a woman... argh... just having my bday must be creating senility.
Thanks, Marcia. I'm thinking of you especially today. E-mail me, if you get time. (Please, of course...)
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